A totally hit and miss activity for me whilst I'm going through an anxious period. This is for a number of reasons, I'll explain.
Firstly, for me, anxiety can make my body feel pretty strange, the usual dizziness, unsteadiness, a bit floaty etc and obviously alcohol can completely accelerate this. So I guess as I am trying to stay in control of how my body feels so much, drinking can sometimes just send me over the edge! Personally I really don't understand how some people with anxiety issues can drink to make themselves feel better, it really doesn't work for me. It actually has a huge detrimental effect, it's a depressant for one, that's never helpful.
The day after drinking is never particularly fun for me, I'm not sure of the science of it, but for some reason my anxiety is worse with a hangover. Not sure if this is because of tiredness, or the body trying to work off the alcohol so I'm already at a low ebb. Psychologically I'm already worried about hangover day, so that probably makes it alot worse too, I'm already paranoid about feeling anxious, enter negative, worrying thought pattern.
Also, I'm a definite worrier on a night out, I'm always so vigilant and aware of surroundings. This obviously has its advantages, but also huge disadvantages. For example, I'm paranoid about people's intentions, stranger danger and all that. But I'm always thinking, who are they? Do they look aggressive? What do they want from me/us? Why is he trying to buy me a drink, ulterior motive? As you can imagine, I NEVER accept drinks from anyone, EVER. Besides, I earn my own money, I'm cool for a drink thanks! I don't trust anyone to look after my drinks, not even my friends, not because I think they'll spike me, but they'll never look after if like I will. God, I am paranoid aren't I.
We got bought shots last night, by a random geezer at the bar. The rest of the group happily downed theirs, while I eyeballed it like it was secret acid. Fair to say I disposed of mine. Whilst in another bar, I found a random shot glass in my drink, why me!? Panic sets in. It took me a good 45 minutes of mentally talking to myself, convincing myself that even if I was spiked, I wouldn't die and I would feel fine after a visit to the hospital. Great thought patterns when everyone else is dancing around to cheesy pop. Annoying!
Another fear of mine, is being someone who tries to cover problems with other problems. So for me, I will never use alcohol as a release. That will not help me, it only masks a problem that's difficult in dealing with. Think I'll pass on making myself worse! I fear that I'd be one of those people who would have to drink to feel fine, or to survive the pressure of life. I do not want that, prolonging this situation is not up there on my list of to do's!
I would love to really enjoy drinking again, and I'm pretty confident I will one day soon. I've been through this before, and it went, so I know it'll pass eventually! I hate feeling like I'm being boring and not joining in. But my health and your health is important. Don't let what anyone thinks of you worry you. I'm starting to learn that other people's opinions aren't important, apart from those that mean anything to you.
Anyways, for now, I'm pleased to focus on being healthy, happy and in a good place. I've got all the tools, just need the time now.
X
I'm glad I found someone who feels like me, who's brave enough to put it down on paper without worrying about people thinking you are a weirdo!! Well done and hope it passes soon x
ReplyDeleteI don't drink anymore as this makes me worse too hope we all feel better soon xxx
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