Corrective CBT......

So yesterday was the day I first went to see my new CBT therapist. 

Let me explain a bit about how I got my appointment, as this is a service that has been provided to me by the NHS. 

So firstly I went to my GP to discuss what was going on, obviously it had got to a worrying point that needing addressing. So he was great anyway, not exactly sympathic but informative. So he gave me a self referral letter that you have to fill in and just send off yourself. It's basically a brief introduction of what's going on with you, so they know what they're dealing with. Anyway within about 10 days of sending it off I recieved a phone call asking if I was available the next week for a telephone assessment. The next week they called and we had about a 45 minute chat discussing what the problem was. Now she had an anxiety, depression, phobias checklist that she was working through. They ask you how you feel about certain situations, 1 being not anxious, 10 being very anxious. Or how much your anxiety affects certain situations, 1 being not at all, 10 being very much so. I was between 8-10 for all of them. Lucky me. Then we arranged an appointment for me to come in to see them, within the next two weeks. So really, for all the processes involved, it was fairly quick. I was impressed. 

So I finally got to go yesterday, over to Leytonstone for my first appointment. You have to fill in all the necessary forms of course, so they get to see the levels you're experiencing at this moment in time. 

Oh and before I forget, just I'm case you aren't sure, CBT therapy (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is all about retraining your brain to stop negative thought patterns that can lead to or worsen anxiety, depression or phobias. So it's a lot of hard work, it's no quick fix and it comes with homework!

So my therapist, Rebecca, as soon as she walked in the room I felt her empathy. I felt like I wanted to talk to her, I imagined her to be not much older than me, which for me was reassuring. We discussed what was going on, and I could feel she understood exactly what I was saying, not just going through the motions. We did check lists, and she was writing down lots of what I was saying. I've had other therapists before that are very quiet, waiting for you to talk, but I found this awkward and strange and I used to fill the silence. But she was always asking me questions, probing in the right directions and getting the most if out the session. 

Obviously the first session is more about painting a picture of me, so we haven't really gone over any strategies or techniques yet. But I just feel so positive about her, I just do. I do feel positive about it helping, and that's the most important thing I feel. Rather than me just spending an hour venting to a stranger (which is what previous therapists have been like), I felt like we were being proactive! I do understand however that I'm not just going to see her once a week and be cured, I know it's a lot of effort required by yourself. But don't let that dishearten you. Nothing is harder than living on red alert, you can improve. 

I understand its all a bit overwhelming, and it takes a lot of dedication, trust me, I really do understand. Even writing that down makes me feel anxious about the task ahead. But what's the other option....? Surrender? No thanks. 

There of course is always the other option of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications. My delicious little friend Diazepam! Oh how I love thee! I take these little babies to fly, they work enough to get me on board! But anyway, this is a whole other post!

I'll keep you updated on my CBT with Rebecca, I have high hopes for her!

Oh and Ps.....I think one day, I want her job. 

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