Nutter......are you calling me a nutter!?

Let me start with a poignant picture......

What I want to know is why we crave so hard to give off a perception of perfection.  Don't get me wrong, I am guilty of this myself. But why, we are human, we are allowed to be who we want to be, we fought for that didn't we? 

I, like many people, don't like to appear anything less than happy, fine, sorted, perfect. And to be honest, I do a pretty good job of it. So lets look at my life facts, so you can know me, and understand how things like this have no prejudice. 

I have a successful beauty business that I carved out from scratch at the tender age of 21. Nice. I have a beautiful flat (rented) but nevertheless, furnished and made my home all by myself. I have a bloody great family, who I adore, with all their beautiful eccentricities that make them mine. Fantastic friends who mean the world, who have been there and been a great comfort of late. And most recently a boyfriend who gives me butterflies at every waking minute he's in my company. So why do I feel anxious? Fuck knows!! Answers please!

I do criticise myself, don't we all, terrible characteristic if you ask me. Oops, there I go again! But regardless, I seem to have got myself into a bizarre little pattern of negative, worrying, anxious thinking. Probably brought on from stress, 2012 was a bit of a shite year to say the least! But the real problem is that I have gone from worrying about day to day problems, to worrying about worrying so much. BAM -I just got myself a problem. 

"Fuck!", I think.........."I've got a problem."  Insert more insane worrying. Anyone relating? I bet theres a few of you. 

In regards to the title, I have a big problem with people calling me a 'nutter' or 'mental' or something similar as a joke. I get rather defensive, when really I'm thinking, "How can you tell....? Am I really that obvious?" Tee hee.......

Had thoughts, vented, got so many more to come. Am appreciating the reading more than you'd ever know. 

Self therapy, through social media. I like. 

X

Self medicating?!

So today is stirring up a lot for me.....

I've had many people already contact me expressing that they feel the same way as me, and totally understand where I'm coming from. Makes it even more important to stand up and talk about this weird condition. It really is an elephant in the mind, nobody wants to talk about it, even though we know its there. Why is that? Why is there such a huge stigma? I'd love to know people's thoughts on this.......

I'd love to have an off switch to my mind, mmmmm some silence! 

So I have tried many things in the fight against anxiety, some have been hugely helpful. I know we're all different and have our own kinds of anxiety, but it doesn't hurt to give it a try. 

* Yoga - took me a while to get into yoga, but I did find it pretty helpful. Typically I've been ill for the most part of January so haven't done ANY. Fool. As you may know yourself, with anything that makes you feel better, persistence is the key. Must try harder!

* Better diet - We all know this, it's a fact, the less processed the better. Easier said than done when you feel like shit though, lets be honest! 

*Malteasers - Well, they make me happy! Chuck a bunny I'm the mix and even better!

* St. John's Wort - Ok this is fairly new to me. Being ridiculously anxious for over 4 months started to wear me down (naturally), so I was feeling a bit low. Did some research, and came across this. So I bought some and gave it a go. Now you have to be careful with this. It interacts with plenty of other medications, some of the main ones being antidepressants, anti anxiety meds and the contraceptive pill. I only managed to take half a pill for two days before I got prescribed antibiotics, so I had to stop taking them. It can interfere with certain antibiotics so I thought better safe than sorry.  I have high hopes for these, so I will keep you updated. Not sure about any of you guys but I definitely have anxieties about taking ANY medication, freaks me out.....so it was a struggle to even take one, hence why I bit it in half! Anyone have any good thoughts on these? Be interested to hear. Oh and I must say, I saw a lot of comments about the quality of the product. I bought a brand called Kira One a Day - Low mood relief - 450mg. Best on the market apparently. 

* Supplements - Have researched a lot and have heard good things about a few supplements. Omega 3, MUST be good quality, I bought 1000mg capsules and you can take up to 3 a day. Apparently high DHA is a big benefit, so look out for that! 
Vitamin B12, now these help support nerve tissues and brain cells, also promoting better sleep. Heard good things about B12! 
Magnesium, this helps towards normal function of the nervous system and normal psychological function (I could do with a bit of that!!!!) and also helps with the reduction of tiredness and fatigue. 

*Aerobic exercise - This does help for me because it helps to burn off the excess adrenalin I seem to produce. Also good for clearing the mind. Only downfall is that I suffer with lazyitis, AKA, I can't be bothered syndrome. Oooops. 

SO......! As I am so full of tips and useful things that actually work, I guess I better get too it and get cracking. I want to keep you all informed and let you know how it goes. I'm on antibiotics until the weekend, and then I'm out partying on Saturday, so lets just be frank and admit I'll be starting on Monday! 

So the plan is : 

Back into the yoga, running and swimming (eeek), taking all my supplements as listed above and get my bloody diet sorted. WISH ME LUCK!

Ps.....aware I have rambled, but some of you may find it helpful :) 

X 

Pics for thought.....

My best friend is an avid YouTuber, she has her own channel and her own blog for make up, she's awesome, check her out (Blushblendbeauty - YouTube channel). She's been helping me in the right direction for getting the blog up and running, so a big thanks to you my princess! 

So anyways, bare with me, I will get the hang of it soon enough! 

Just found some pictures I felt we're so apt for my blog, I can be easily snapped back to reality when anxiety takes hold by simple things I see or read. So here goes.....

This literally couldn't be any more true if it tried! This is a fact for me, and probably for most of you. This is one I always want to try and remember. 

I love this, thankfully I have a lovely, cuddly boyfriend who I attack with affection on a daily basis. And it's true, it's a fact, 5 minutes next to him and I do feel better. Human touch is amazingly important. We could all do well to remember that!

X

The dreaded 'A' bomb

Oh, the dreaded 'A' bomb.......

The most haunted word in my vocabulary. Anxiety. Ergh, there you go, I said it.  For those of you who know full well what I'm talking about, I know you can feel my agony. For those of you who don't, I'd like to try and explain......

An Elephant in the mind is the best way of describing the peculiar way it makes you feel. Everybody around you is living, breathing, enjoying. Whereas you, have this massive Elephant sitting there in your mind, creating a huge fog, that you don't dare to talk about.  

Mental Health. The two other biggest, scariest words I think I can ever lay my eyes on. These two words shake me to my very core, I hate to read them, I hate to hear them, I guess I am far from acceptance. Just reading that makes me feel like I am going mental, they send me into an anxiety filled panic, much like many things in my life, ha! 

Ok, so let me actually explain how anxiety feels for me. I wouldn't say I have panic disorder, which is where people have full blown panic attacks (can't breathe, tight chest, racing thoughts, feeling like they're going to die, sweating, often feeling like a heart attack). I consider myself to suffer with Generalised Anxiety. This consists of a lot of worrying, constant worrying. Mainly I worry about always worrying. Hence the vicious cycle of worrying......hope you're following me! It's hugely mentally draining, I often feel exhausted from it, which leaves me lethargic and very upset. I often get a tough chest, lots of acid reflux (indigestion) headaches, bizarre twitches in my body, numbness in my arms and legs (this is particularly vile, I despise this symptom!), feeling very weak and jelly legs. Oh and of course, ridiculous racing thoughts, and an inability to concentrate and communicate properly! 

The racing thoughts are very scary, uncontrollable, makes me feel like I'm going crazy, losing my mind (which of course I am not, it's the most common thought an anxiety sufferer has!). I cannot stop them, I feel out of control, very frightened, tearful. You get the gist of it, it's pretty weird. 

Why me, why us, why you? 

I wish I had the answer to that question. Although I do know that it isn't a weakness. How many people do you know that would get up every day, work, socialise and deal with that on a daily basis, and still be ok. Definitely not for the weak........

I could go on for forever about this, I've researched it to the hilt. But I would like to discuss treatments, and managing techniques if anyone's interested.......

Apologies for the very formal first post, it's hard to explain this without the formality. But from here on out, it'll just be me, a day in the life of a Generalised Anxiety Disorder sufferer! 

Come join me.........