The dreaded 'A' bomb

Oh, the dreaded 'A' bomb.......

The most haunted word in my vocabulary. Anxiety. Ergh, there you go, I said it.  For those of you who know full well what I'm talking about, I know you can feel my agony. For those of you who don't, I'd like to try and explain......

An Elephant in the mind is the best way of describing the peculiar way it makes you feel. Everybody around you is living, breathing, enjoying. Whereas you, have this massive Elephant sitting there in your mind, creating a huge fog, that you don't dare to talk about.  

Mental Health. The two other biggest, scariest words I think I can ever lay my eyes on. These two words shake me to my very core, I hate to read them, I hate to hear them, I guess I am far from acceptance. Just reading that makes me feel like I am going mental, they send me into an anxiety filled panic, much like many things in my life, ha! 

Ok, so let me actually explain how anxiety feels for me. I wouldn't say I have panic disorder, which is where people have full blown panic attacks (can't breathe, tight chest, racing thoughts, feeling like they're going to die, sweating, often feeling like a heart attack). I consider myself to suffer with Generalised Anxiety. This consists of a lot of worrying, constant worrying. Mainly I worry about always worrying. Hence the vicious cycle of worrying......hope you're following me! It's hugely mentally draining, I often feel exhausted from it, which leaves me lethargic and very upset. I often get a tough chest, lots of acid reflux (indigestion) headaches, bizarre twitches in my body, numbness in my arms and legs (this is particularly vile, I despise this symptom!), feeling very weak and jelly legs. Oh and of course, ridiculous racing thoughts, and an inability to concentrate and communicate properly! 

The racing thoughts are very scary, uncontrollable, makes me feel like I'm going crazy, losing my mind (which of course I am not, it's the most common thought an anxiety sufferer has!). I cannot stop them, I feel out of control, very frightened, tearful. You get the gist of it, it's pretty weird. 

Why me, why us, why you? 

I wish I had the answer to that question. Although I do know that it isn't a weakness. How many people do you know that would get up every day, work, socialise and deal with that on a daily basis, and still be ok. Definitely not for the weak........

I could go on for forever about this, I've researched it to the hilt. But I would like to discuss treatments, and managing techniques if anyone's interested.......

Apologies for the very formal first post, it's hard to explain this without the formality. But from here on out, it'll just be me, a day in the life of a Generalised Anxiety Disorder sufferer! 

Come join me.........